Im not miserable.
not one bit.
actually Im that happiest Ive been in over a year.
that's what scares me,
it's been so long. this joy, this reality is real I cant seem to grasp that fact.
my smiles are real, my laughs are real, everything is too real.
Im the happiest Ive been in years, and Im just not sure how to handle or express it.
last night I thought to myself, he has shown himself in a dream in a while, and what do you know, you showed yourself this morning
the realest dream I have ever had.
You approached me.
Looking me straight in the eye, right through me,
which was rare for you,
which means you are serious.
It was hard to breath.
You stood there,
tried to say something,
I could tell you didn't know where to start.
I studied your face, every little detail.
they way your eyebrows moved,
how the blue of your eyes shinned,
though your heavy lids.
Even the dark circles around them seemed right.
Then there were your perfect lips, I broke eye contact,
just so I could remember them,
uncontrollably my hand went out,
my finger tips brushed over them,
there was no thought put into any of this,
it just happened.
Whispering, my mouth opened, the words fell out one by one.
Fuck,
I've
Missed
You
So
Much.
and starred you dead in the eye.
we grabbed each others faces,
I felt the passion we once shared,
the passion I used to live for.
and that's when the voice in my head softly says.
'this isn't real, it can't be, this is all dream, wake yourself up.'
I pull away,
soak it all in.
blink a few times,
My heads right, it's all a dream,
every detail of your face lays in front of me,
how did my mind paint you so well?
even down to your kiss?
when I myself awake cant even remember how laying in your arms felt?
I sigh, wave my arms around,
as if Im trying to erase something,
shoting sadly,
''Is this a dream? Is this a dream!?"
and he smiled,
pined me down and laughed.
he laughed the laugh that I used to patiently wait for.
Then as Im thinking about this laugh
as I'm pinned to the ground,
he began scratching at my face, overpowering me. laughing.
'fuck this' tumbled out of my mouth,
I kicked him off, I couldnt seem to wake up
so I wondered away
extremely disappointed.
everything has forever changed.
You approached me.
Looking me straight in the eye, right through me,
which was rare for you,
which means you are serious.
It was hard to breath.
You stood there,
tried to say something,
I could tell you didn't know where to start.
I studied your face, every little detail.
they way your eyebrows moved,
how the blue of your eyes shinned,
though your heavy lids.
Even the dark circles around them seemed right.
Then there were your perfect lips, I broke eye contact,
just so I could remember them,
uncontrollably my hand went out,
my finger tips brushed over them,
there was no thought put into any of this,
it just happened.
Whispering, my mouth opened, the words fell out one by one.
Fuck,
I've
Missed
You
So
Much.
and starred you dead in the eye.
we grabbed each others faces,
I felt the passion we once shared,
the passion I used to live for.
The only reason I seem to have to get out of bed.
My heart pounding, I felt the butterflies colliding with the walls of my stomach.
My heart pounding, I felt the butterflies colliding with the walls of my stomach.
and that's when the voice in my head softly says.
'this isn't real, it can't be, this is all dream, wake yourself up.'
I pull away,
soak it all in.
blink a few times,
My heads right, it's all a dream,
every detail of your face lays in front of me,
how did my mind paint you so well?
even down to your kiss?
when I myself awake cant even remember how laying in your arms felt?
I sigh, wave my arms around,
as if Im trying to erase something,
shoting sadly,
''Is this a dream? Is this a dream!?"
and he smiled,
pined me down and laughed.
he laughed the laugh that I used to patiently wait for.
Then as Im thinking about this laugh
as I'm pinned to the ground,
he began scratching at my face, overpowering me. laughing.
'fuck this' tumbled out of my mouth,
I kicked him off, I couldnt seem to wake up
so I wondered away
extremely disappointed.
everything has forever changed.
rant of my morning.
im trying not to close off again.
to hide in my head
my best best friend moved away, far away, from under the same room to a couple states away. my hearts shattered, I cant even bare to call her, or answer when the phone rings, because Ill know, where ever I am I will break down and we'll talk for hours.
I dont know why Im avoiding this. It has been 10 days since Ive heard her voice.
My friends, well they have been keeping me busy, Im almost positive not single one of them is even aware of low Ive been or am about to get. But that could be a good thing.
now men. men. men. men are boys. Sometimes I wonder if Ill be stuck alone forever. Im too awkward and shy. Im picky, far far too picky, and the littlest things turn me off, and I dont grow to like you, it is a feeling from the first start, it's something that grows itself.
My last relationship was almost 2 and half years. I know where I fucked up, I know what little things I want to be different. I want to cook for someone, take care of them and love them, and in return to be loved back. I miss passion. I just wanna play under the sheets early in the morning, then I go make breakfast. I wanna get lost with one kiss.
But Im shy and awkward and far too picky.
to hide in my head
my best best friend moved away, far away, from under the same room to a couple states away. my hearts shattered, I cant even bare to call her, or answer when the phone rings, because Ill know, where ever I am I will break down and we'll talk for hours.
I dont know why Im avoiding this. It has been 10 days since Ive heard her voice.
My friends, well they have been keeping me busy, Im almost positive not single one of them is even aware of low Ive been or am about to get. But that could be a good thing.
now men. men. men. men are boys. Sometimes I wonder if Ill be stuck alone forever. Im too awkward and shy. Im picky, far far too picky, and the littlest things turn me off, and I dont grow to like you, it is a feeling from the first start, it's something that grows itself.
My last relationship was almost 2 and half years. I know where I fucked up, I know what little things I want to be different. I want to cook for someone, take care of them and love them, and in return to be loved back. I miss passion. I just wanna play under the sheets early in the morning, then I go make breakfast. I wanna get lost with one kiss.
But Im shy and awkward and far too picky.
laughter
"I've been thinking about you far to much lately.."
"Me too.... I mean, I think of me a lot too, haha just kidding, I think of you to much too"
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