rant of my morning.

im trying not to close off again.
to hide in my head

my best best friend moved away, far away, from under the same room to a couple states away. my hearts shattered, I cant even bare to call her, or answer when the phone rings, because Ill know, where ever I am I will break down and we'll talk for hours.

I dont know why Im avoiding this. It has been 10 days since Ive heard her voice.

My friends, well they have been keeping me busy, Im almost positive not single one of them is even aware of low Ive been or am about to get. But that could be a good thing.





now men. men. men. men are boys. Sometimes I wonder if Ill be stuck alone forever. Im too awkward and shy. Im picky, far far too picky, and the littlest things turn me off, and I dont grow to like you, it is a feeling from the first start, it's something that grows itself.

My last relationship was almost 2 and half years. I know where I fucked up, I know what little things I want to be different. I want to cook for someone, take care of them and love them, and in return to be loved back. I miss passion. I just wanna play under the sheets early in the morning, then I go make breakfast. I wanna get lost with one kiss.

But Im shy and awkward and far too picky.