mario rules my world

You know what my boyfriend asked me today?
If I wanted to start trying to go to bed earlier.
I laughed so hard inside and told him he could if he wanted too.
But that I can not, that is why I sleep in till 4pm.
I'm wide awake till sunrise.
I go for bike rides while you sleep there.
I sit and stare at the sea while you sleep there.
Yet I do admit, crawling into your half awake arms,
when you squeeze me tight, kiss my check,
then hold me far to tight,
I lay there barley breathing, as all of your muscles slowly let go,
until you lay dead asleep, once more.


That indeed stands number four.
On my list of most favorite-est things ever.

I am happy.
&
you have nothing to do with it.

ha.
:)

2 new books. Book1, pg 1, first set of chills:

"She had temper that came close to insanity; she had a temper that some called insanity."

-Bukowski

Dear you.

So yea...
You were right.
You were completely fucking right.
You know who you are.
I bet you are laughing.
I bet you are so annoyed
with the fact
that you gave me the answer
that I just couldn't admit.


&

if you know me as well as I think you do,
then I know you have been waiting for this EXACT post.
You know me too well,
are minds are too alike.
Yet you are on a level much higher then mine.
And I am fine where I am,
I do enough damage as it is.
That is why I ignore you.

Though I thought I might as well inform you.
You were right.
&
I still find myself completely alone,
lacking trust in ever single soul I cross.
and I bet you are laughing.



So I have decided to learn to live with that.
I bet you are laughing, laugh, laugh, laugh.
I bet you will tell me you already tried that.

I don't know where this has come from..

I am finding myself so careless.

again.

With every little thing.

I don't know if this is really a bad thing.

I just remember slowly hating myself last time I was at this point.

The enemy's I made, were worth the friends,

but only for a bit.

So I find myself here,

but with a different outlook on people.

A completely different outlook.

Now this me isn't going to make me happy,

but has come knocking with knowledge

of how to get me out of this dark dark mess.

I talked with a friend today.
We talked about being lost in your head.
I'm glad I'm not alone.


Because I always feel alone.

ahahahahahhahahaahhaahhaaahh

I'm not very confident in myself.
But at least I know I'm much better then you.

my artwork is odd.

How silly, I had no idea how much information you can receive with just an IP address.
You have no idea how much information I am capable of receiving with a few silly numbers.

There are a lot more people regularly reading my blog then I thought.
>.<
thanks.

Lets be friends?

I love observing people.
I've lived in this city for too long.
Over a year now, I suppose.
7 months at the coffee shop.
I'm starting to get to know the people that are around me.
I'm starting to see who these people are.
I starting to see through who these people are.

The things that I find funny,
most people do not.
So I laugh harder.


My world is so much better then the one where our bodies are standing.

I hate being reminded,

that

I

am

human.

The storm stirs again.

Someone's throwing lightning bolts down my hall.

I don't really know if I could dodge this again.

I barley dodged it last time.

fck

Why don't people ever take me serious when I tell them

I am a damn good editor.

I am a little sad to be missing the premier of the piece I just worked on,

It wasn't anything too exciting, noting artistic, well not in my eyes.

But this afternoon

over a hundred pairs of eyes will be watching

my lame 10 min piece on a huge screen,

and every single one of them will fall in love.

I really expected this first step to be much harder, it was mostly just annoying.

I can handle annoying.

costume.

halloween

halloween

HALLOWEEN

Poison Ivy has always been my favorite.

Hacking.

hmm.

I find myself here thinking about how much electronics and technology

rule my world.

I slowly hate myself for that, but I couldn't do what I do with out it.

So I must even out this feeling.

Find a balance.

I figure

I might as well have the upper hand.

Know the system.

Beat the system.

I miss having my nerdy friends to nerd out about this with.

I miss having people I could talk about the stuff I'm learning, exploring.

The things I'm finding myself capable of doing.

I can't tell people, the looks on there faces are too full of shock.

But my nerd friends laugh at me and say they already know.

Hearing there opinions, there thoughts.

Where they could take it.

You have no idea how far my mind wonders about defeating this virtual world.

As much use as the internet is,

I do so dread what it could become.

realization 4:

I like who I am, and that isn't going to change,

for anyone.

:)

My everyday life,
is different from everyone else's.
I like that.

Sometimes.

I wish I could

read

your

mind.

or you could

at least

read

mine.

I hesitate to say this,

but I really do wish,

that you could just show me how you actually feel.

I don't know why you are hiding.

I do not know what it could be hurting.

Can't you just actually show me,

let me feel,

what you

feel for

me.

Break it down

and make me see,

that

this

is right.

That this feeling

is

not

wrong.

Or my heart might continue

collapsing down the middle.

Only because I do not understand

how

you

feel.

You must show me how you feel.

if you can not see the pics you have a shitty PC.

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂

☂

I

absolutely

adore

the rain

&

the wind.

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ ☂ ☂

My heart starts pounding.
I can feel the blood rushing though my body.

I take a breath and go.

I just get in this weird place,
I have selective hearing,
I try and watch everything.
I try to set up where to be.
Where I should go.

I get that rush.
I miss that rush.

Once I get my balance,
once I get in that zone.
I know I can do it.


I absolutely love chasing a rubber ball on my bike.

fckkk

"oh my god, you're that girl from that coffee shop!!"
"oh my god. No I am not. Good fucking day."

If I was a christian, Id blame this on the devil.
Oh my lord a demon is tempting me.

haha.
But seriously the universe is off, just a tad, just enough.
The vibes that surround me, the intuitions I feel.
The one that I am so sure of,
yet my whole life I must repetitively tell myself
"not to doubt myself."
But here I am,
fucking with the light switch,
drowning in this unsureness, of sureness I know I feel.
One minute it is this, the next it is that.
I have already lost my mind,
so I can not even imagine what to expect next.

drown this shyness now

photographs.

Pictures I like:
http://stixstixstix.blogspot.com/

Pictures of life:
http://allcolorsagreeinthedark.blogspot.com/

haha

"Ew that girls is really ugly... like really really ugly"

"I know dude, I know, I had to hold my breath trying not to burst with laughter."

Recently this one sentence has been haunting me.

From person to person,

all with the same exact voice

with the same exact expression.

A tape being played over and over.

"Stay positive"

The voice in my head,

"Well if I always and only looked at things from a

'positive' point of perception,

then I think I would find myself

so wrongfully happy.

Life would be rather boring,

As I would build a beautiful

false happy world around me.

All I would think would be 'positive',

and everything would be unexpectedly positive,

even in the worst most terrible way.

I still wouldn't be happy.

I would still feel empty.

&

I'd still mean nothing.

So instead

I think about the "positive"

&

as well as the "negative"

and weigh them out.

My conclusion..

Negative needs a diet."

If it gives you chills twice, it is worth posting once more.

"She liked to observe

e m o t i o n s;

they were like red lanterns

strung along

the

d a r k u n k n o w n

of

anther's

personality,

marking

vulnerable p o i n t s."

66. INDEED
67. I
68. Have

I am kinda craving to snip at my hair.

It is getting crazy and out of control.

W i l d .

A tad bit like medusa's head.

• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• I
• 
  
• believe
• 
  
• I
• 
  
• might
• 
  
• have
• 
  
• lost
• 
  
• my
• 
  
• mind.
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  

• 
  

editing

the one thing I do know I know.
Is that I am fucking brilliant.
and this shitty piece will prove that,

somewhat.

fuck yea

rkjfdkddkf***

I have been rather cold, bitter, and blunt, lately.
Then I broke down and cried in the bathroom
at work before I had to work.

wtf is wrong with me.

I wish you would quite smoking weed.
I bet we would have a better relationship with each other,
but I wouldnt know.
This is all we do.

........................................

at least I haven't sold my soul.

dear world

I would like a real friend,
and that is all I am asking from the universe right now.
one real friend.

Because asking for friends, worked out, it did,
but I need to become less awkward around one single person,
before the whole entire group.
I don't mind being awkward,
but I would like to be comfortably awkward.. .
am i making any sense?

Halloween

:)