In my dream we were talking,
in a room with no lights.
Drowned out by darkness.
I was scared,
filled with some sort of fear.
Until I heard you.
Then I was calm.
Comforted by your voice.
Only touching words.
In that darkness we sat and shared secrets,
told sad stories, told tall tales.
Then like a statement,
you said, "You are still beautiful, even in the darkness."
I could feel that smile from the other corner of that room.

I do not need to sleep anymore. As much as I want to, I just can't.
"We'll it's more like I shouldn't".

i am just crazy.

People are so silly.
All my life I have been that "dumb" blond.
Before I colored my hair,
every single person
everyday would some how use that.
I haven't been that "dumb" blond in years.
Now I am that "crazy" redhead.
People are so much the same.
Who decided hair color describes you?
All colors still agree in the dark.

I have written 5 complete songs.
I need anther acrostic guitar player.



Until then,
I think I am going to start playing small local shows.
I either need to cut my bangs straight across over my eyes.
Or wear a mask.
A really sweet mask.



Decisions
Decisions.

I always am the fool

"No Sane man will dance."
- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

I don't want a sane man.

there is the me that cares.
and the me that doesnt care.
the me that cares doesnt mind not being happy.
the me that doesnt care wants to be happy.

so yes the 2 are fighting inside me.

This pulls me to tears.
literally, thinking about this makes my eyes fill then flood.
I have never been to this actual point.
This is something new..
I wont make a move, I always make a move.
But I wont, in fear of fucking my chance up.
Just the chance, the idea, the thought.
Well the chance I don't actually have.
Only this one that I hope to have.
Chills run through me just imagining this,
thinking about this, daydreaming about this.
My mind is entwined with this chance I don't have.
I am even willing to run.
Just to one day have this.
Because it feels worth it.
Noting ever feels worth it.
That is why I think I might be holding onto this.
But I really don't know.


Yes, yes yes

indeed I have lost my mind.
but you could lose your mind with me.
so why should anything matter ever.

2:22 am.
please get out of my head.

sometimes.

most times.

I just don't feel real.


So what is really making me real.

C O L O R S




C R E A T E F A L S E H A P P I N E S S .

:)

I hate this.
I f u c k i n g hate this.
waking up, and realizing that everything that just happened.
Just a few seconds before, in my dream isn't real.
and that you didn't say those things t o me.
that none of it happened.
It is not real.
And that is when it hits me all at once,
more then anything..
every single morning.
This is haunting me.

When I listen to wolfgang amadeus mozart,
the album Requiem.

I feel so many emotions.
I feel so surreal.
I find myself drifting off.
I am not alone.
All my feeling have been felt and overcome.
I am here,
I will look back at this now.

so good

"and I laugh, I can still laugh, who can't laugh when the whole thing
is so ridiculous
that only the insane, the clowns, the half-wits, the cheaters, the whores, the horseplayers, the bankrobbers, the poets ... are interesting?"

-Bukowski

Ruby Entler drew this picture, from one of my pictures.
<33So amazing. you have no idea.

I live in my own world.
I can not even begin to explain.
The people around me have no idea.
I forget that often.
I forget, I am in here, and you are all out there.
You can only hear the words from my mouth.
I need to remember that,
but you see then I think about that.
words out loud.
only the words out loud.

Oh my I can do so many things the words out loud.
& then I am off again, in my world.

I hate when dreams
consume my mind
throughout the whole entire fucking day.
When it tangles in between all my thoughts.

This now feels like a curse.
I hate this.
I never want to wake up.
I just want to stay there.
In the place.
with you.

I have been working on a handful of songs on my guitar.
They are all sad and slow.
I don't know if I could play them in front of a group.
I don't know if I could actually sing these to a crowd of people I don't know.
Or even worse, to a crowd of people I know.


I think I might be able to do it if I wore a mask.
Or something over my eyes.

haha it would be so silly.

uh, oh sammie stop stealing from me
please this is like year 3??
really?

http://www.myspace.com/leavemenow

fckkk hi Im in long beach, california.
usa
not in the uk.
I get like 4 different uk visits a day.


BAHH

.sʍouʞ ǝuo ou ʞuıɥʇ noʎ 'ǝı1 ǝı1 ǝı1
.ob ı ǝɹǝɥʍʎɹǝʌǝ

.sɹɐı1 ɥɔns
.ǝɯıʇ uɯɐppob ǝɥʇ 11ɐ
.buıʌıǝɔǝp os ǝɹɐ ǝ1doǝd

rest in peace

I bet I looked so insane this morning,

as I sat there in the street

on the corner of 3rd and elm.

With tears running down my face,

as I took pictures of my lifeless wide eyed cat.

As he laid there helpless and dead.

This role began with a dead bird, ended with my dead nightmare kitten.

rip nightmare kitten

The second she caught my eye,
the very moment our eyes made contact.
She didn't hesitate to approach me.
She took a breath and she began.
"I know you feel lost, and are confused. But I promise it will make sense. Did you ever consider, it is supposed to make sense right now."

I starred.

"I will see you soon."
Then the old creepy lady walked out of my life.

My silly film crew,
whom all laugh &
talk like evil villains.
Whom are always plotting
as one of them walks away from the table.
Whom are so secretive that it fascinates me at certain moments.

Well anyways, this silly film crew,
they all smiled and laughed.
Laughed for a while.
Then were cheerful and welcoming,
when I confessed to them
that since the last project
I haven't been able to sleep till the sun creeps through my window.

Well everyone except the new guy.
I welcomed him with an awkward smile.
All these recent new guys are pretty sane in the beginning.
I am extremely curious to see how long it takes them to break him.

lame.

I haven't even had to try and get under you skin.

How entertaining.
I haven't even had to put any actual effort into this at all.

This is almost too easy.

I double dog dare you.

Dear..oh my dear..

Tu pourrais me rendre heureux.
Je pourrais te rendre heureux.
Just give me a sign,
Id tout perdre pour être heureux avec vous.

I am so fucking socially awkward.
I shall drink more wine before I leave this room.

I had such a lovely halloween.

Best one in a few years.

More blogs:

http://sixxsixsixxx.blogspot.com/

"Everything that is new or uncommon

raises a pleasure in the imagination,

because it fills the soul with an agreeable surprise,

gratifies its curiosity,

and gives it an idea

of which it was not before possessed. "

- Joseph Addison

Time is ridiculous.

I'm just floating here.