you left your rings here
and your whiskey
why cant you leave your heart.

he had been distant.
then a few nights later.
(fri)drunk and coked out.
he confessed 'we moved too fast'
'duh. you were the one that would show up every fucking night. i never expected you too.'
'Im not happy'
he is an over dramatic writer. which like all writers, they get caught in this wave. they make it worse then it should be.

(sat)he left that morning for work, and for the first time in 4 months he didnt come home.
he went to is sisters.
i didnt try to reach him.


(sun) he comes to gather some things.
he needs time to think or something.

(mon) i get a text at 3 am. of coarse he knows i up.
he is fucked up and wants to see me.
he drives his drunken coked out state here to my house.

he holds me and say he doesnt want this.
that as torn as he is he is still drawn to me.
he doesnt want to sleep w out me.

he left this morning. i dont know what is happening or going on.
im now just waiting.








fuck off ugh. dont fuck w my heart.

awe fuck he is indeed a compulsive liar.



is he worth letting stay in my bed, every fucking night. .. . .... . . . .. . . . .. . . .. . . . .. . . . .. . . . .. . . .

i close my eyes.
open them.
check the light switch.
twice.
lights on, lights off, lights on, lights off.
everything's in order.

Im not dreaming.
so is this reality?
Im not dreaming and Im very confused.
Im not dreaming but I still cant grasp the fact that Im not dreaming.
I guess I don't know what reality is, yet I built this up so perfectly in my head.

I have everything Ive ever wanted.
this can not be real.
there has to be a downfall.
I have to wake up.
I have to be dreaming.

looking at old pictures.
I was always sad looking. lifeless. dead.

i hate standing next to you.

and girls wonder up to talk to you
and i can feel there harsh stare
and jealous eyes.
curiously wondering if Im just a friend.

or the lover they wished they had been
and you wont touch me.
youll watch it all
you eat it up.
you like to make them wonder.
you like to fuck with everyones head.

I knew it was going to happen.
I somewhat prepared myself for the unexpected moment.
built it up in my head.
So of coarse, it it had happen the very last place where id have my guard up.
running out the door.
a mess,
chatting up a storm,
stopped to smoked a bowel in front of the door,
giggling
turn.

and there you were.
i stopped dead. my eyes wide.
took a breath, smiled and said hi.

my mind was racing, I didnt know what was going on.
why were you here, on the porch of my building.

you were not there by accident.


I was waiting for the accidental moment.

and here it was. you ruined it.
your eyes were heavy,
your hair was dreadful.
your face was shaved.
a feeling rushed over.
you were the first person I ever held real feelings for.
you were the first person I ever actually had consistent attraction too. endless desires for.

and that being that,
I had a fear that maybe that odd attraction would still live there
in the pockets of your eyes.
but it didn't.
it was dead,
talking to you a smile crawled on my face.
you are meaningless.
there was nothing there.
you were anther pointless person, taking up air and space.

thanks for creeping by.
really.
i honestly thought that maybe I was still attracted to you.

and now ive meet the only other person Ive had feelings for.
and he is so much more amazing then you ever were.
you never loved up on me back.
and this boy mirrors my attraction.
he will do all the things Ive wanted a man to do.
the way he protects me, and holds me in the car, tighter on the turns, the way he touches my body and looks at me with desire in his eyes. the way he kisses me. everything everything everything. I swear i could be dreaming. but everyday he's here with me.

he is my knight my world my everything.

im waiting for you to just disappear.
watch the wind as it carries you away
all of a sudden you'll fall of the face of the earth.
with the way you entered my life,
one blink you became everything
and in one blink i expect you to leave.

im ok with this ive accepted this

breath.

yus this is

happening.

it is all rather fascinating.

one flip of a coin

and Ive obtained

this happiness

that I have always

wondered about

Im questioning my entire existence.

ANTONYMS credible.

we've just been playing house for the last few weeks

and then he got us an apartment.

for me to live in, him to stay in.

for me to cook in, create in,

for him to write in, to make music in.

for us to giggle with in.

beyond belief

incredible, inconceivable, unthinkable, unimaginable; unconvincing, far-fetched, dubious, implausible, improbable, unrealistic;

it is always the writers that fall for me.

i dont get it.

I can tell my poor grammar and dreadful spelling drives them insane.

it is so fascinating.

such a charmer.

swooned.

you a complete hipster bullshit asshole.

but damn, im such a sucker for a sweet talker.